


The Mystery of the Glowing Algae

by potentiallyAWKWARD



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack Fic, M/M, honestly wash your goddamn hands, passcodes gone wild
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 21:20:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11952864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potentiallyAWKWARD/pseuds/potentiallyAWKWARD
Summary: Inspired by a series of tweets by @vitruvvianjohn. You can thank her for this.





	The Mystery of the Glowing Algae

Sherlock hadn't even hung up his coat on the rack in the living room before John was speaking.

"Sherlock..." the doctor started, pausing to choose his phrasing carefully, "how the hell did you work out my computer password?"

Sherlock shrugged, flopping onto the couch and rubbing his lower lip idly. "Honestly, John, you're transparent. It took me less than three minutes and only four failed attempts."

John sputtered as he looked from Sherlock's face down to his laptop (which was resting in his lap) and back up again. "Transp- Sherlock, it was the last four digits of the last three credit cards I've had! You never even saw the first one."

"Yes, well, I've seen your online account records," Sherlock replied idly, obviously retreating into his Mind Palace. Probably to dig up John's childhood telephone number as well, which was his current password.

"You have your own laptop. Look, on my laptop, I even made you a guest account! There's no need to log onto mine," John snarked.

"I have to have administrative permission to download anything in my account. Might as well skip that and use yours."

So he was listening.

John sighed as he shifted in his chair, thinking. He needed to think of a password that would irritate his flatmate, and he knew just the one.

~~~

John gaped at his computer screen.

'INCORRECT PASSCODE. (3) ATTEMPT/S REMAINING.'

He was sure he had typed it right. He'd double checked, triple checked- hell, he'd even typed it out one letter at a time, like an imbecile.

Even so, he typed it one last time- 'suckmydickSherlock'.

'INCORRECT PASSCODE. (2) ATTEMPT/S REMAINING.'

"Sherlock!" John shouted into the kitchen. A few seconds later, the detective was standing in the doorway, goggles on his forehead.

"Yes?" he pressed, clicking the tongs he held. "I'm on a time crunch. I don't have time for chatter."

John took a deep breath in through his nose.

"You changed my laptop password. I need you to change it back, or tell me what it is at least."

Sherlock rolled his eyes. "It should be obvious. I'll unlock your computer, but you can't change the passcode without knowing the current one. You'll have to work it out."

Sherlock strode over John and bent over, carefully shielding his hands as he typed. With flourish, he tapped the enter key, and the home screen sprang up.

"There. That's your only chance," Sherlock warned, snapping the tongs ominously at the doctor.

John rolled his eyes as Sherlock retreated back into the kitchen to work on his experiment. Something about chlorophyll and its effects of growth... probably just an excuse to grow algae in a milk jug, in all honesty.

John shook his head with a smirk as he began to type, pulling back with a grunt when his fingertips brushed something wet and slimy.

"Sherlock, you got algae on my keyboard," he shouted, but the detective paid him no heed.

John was reaching for a tissue to wipe it off when he noticed the blacklight sitting on the table. He looked back to the kitchen to see if Sherlock was watching- but he was looking down into his microscope very intensely. Perhaps it was cheating a little bit, but...

John stood and gingerly set his laptop in his chair before grabbing the lamp. It looked like a regular lamp; he only knew it was a blacklight because he distinctly remembered telling Sherlock upon its arrival not to take it into his room upstairs and half-wondering what he would find in the detective's own bedroom.

He grabbed the lamp and plugged it in, reaching for a scrap of paper and a pencil. The light flickered on and he set it near his chair, the blacklight reaching just far enough to illuminate the entire keyboard.

John sighed as small red dots appeared on the keys. Luckily, whatever type of algae he was using was florescent.

John wrote down the affected keys:

'WERTUIPASHL'

The E was especially bright. John hoped that meant that it was used more than once, but he couldn't be sure. Now, what on earth could Sherlock be typing with those letters? Hopefully it was a word and not just a string of random letters, as a proper passcode should be...

He sat down again and picked up his laptop, opening his browser and typing in Google.com. Odd... it usually popped up as a suggestion.

Why wouldn't it-?

Oh.

The bastard had cleared out John's browser history.

Could that mean that Sherlock had viewed something he shouldn't have, or was he just being nosy and accidentally hit the clear button? Or maybe he thought he was doing John a favor? John had tons of adult videos saved in his bookmarks, but they were all gone now. What a prick.

John frowned as he clicked the search bar. After a moment, he typed

'words with the letters wertuipashl'

'Andy's Anagram Solver - ssynth.co.uk'

He clicked hesitantly. A light grey screen popped up, asking for the letters and word limit.

John typed the letters again, adding the extra 'E' and setting the word limit to none. Let's see what it could come up with...

For nearly ten minutes he scrolled through. None of the phrases seemed to make sense. 'aisle upthrew'...'sulphate wire'...

And then, he found it.

That had to be it. That had to be the passcode. Either that, or it was the biggest coincidence on the planet, or Sherlock was playing dirty. Never in a million years would John have thought of this, but now it did seem obvious, though perhaps a bit unbelievable.

John opened the control panel and made his way to the passcode screen.

'ENTER CURRENT PASSCODE.'

John held his breath as he typed:

'withpleasure'

It was accepted.

"Oh, well done," Sherlock purred into John's ear.

John jumped, nearly throwing his laptop across the room. "Jesus, Sherlock!"

Sherlock smirked as he made his way around John's chair, delicately picking up John's laptop and closing it, setting it aside. He sank to his knees between John's legs, experiment evidently forgotten. "Would you like to see just how pleasurable I would find it to suck your dick?"

The shudder that ran through John's body was all the answer he needed.

**Author's Note:**

> depending on how vitruvvianjohn feels, there may be a part two. involving, you know. secks.


End file.
